The Path I'm on is Very Twisted and Ever Changing

 And while walking this path I think I took a wrong turn around March of 2023...

Let me start in the summer of 2022, we are no longer living in constant fear of the dreaded Covid, things have somewhat gone back to normal and I am following a dream that I have had for a while now; going to school to become an End of Life Doula or Death Doula.

I found an amazing school "International Doula Life Movement" and much to my surprise I was awarded a scholarship for the EOLD Course, which was everything I had been looking for and more.

While doing my classes I had the opportunity to become the founder of the school's virtual assistant and graphics designer, which allowed me to choose my own hours and take an extra class here and there; I was on top of the world.

I graduated and began working as an EOLD in December of 2022, I was living the dream, I was taking on clients, and networking, I was even a guest speaker a few times, my life felt like it was heading in the right direction.

Then on March 13, 2023, my life to quote Will Smith "got flipped, turned upside down" My mother-in-law fell and fractured her back and ended up in a brace for what we were told would be six weeks; I moved in with her and my father-in-law for the duration, I continued doing my assistant/graphics work via my mother-in-law's computer and my trusty jump drive; I also managed to complete my second doula course and became a Pediatric End of Life Doula (something very close to my heart).

Well, six weeks turned into twelve and then sixteen, and as I have stated in a previous post taking care of my mother-in-law is trying during the best of times. That's not to say it was all bad, I so enjoyed getting to know my father-in-law (a marine & Korean war veteran whose life was slowly being stolen by Parkinson's) on a whole new level, it was also amazing to see how much my in-laws loved each other. Taking care of them was an honor, but I was missing my home, husband, my own space, etc. Finally the final doctor's appointment for my MIL to get her brace off was fast approaching, I was so excited to get back to my "normal" life and routine, but that was not to be.

On June 22, 2023, we had to call an ambulance to take my FIL to the hospital his blood pressure had dropped seriously low. he spent nine days in the hospital, He had a bladder that was not emptying, and his iron was so low he had to endure 3 iron infusions. All of this had left him very weak so after he was able to be discharged from the hospital he went straight to rehab to help gain his strength back and as much mobility as possible, his stay there was scheduled for thirty days.

After all that, my husband and I had done during Covid to ensure that neither of my in-laws caught it and two weeks in rehab and they both caught it, my FIL had a mild case, but never the less it set back his rehab, however, the rehab place did not see it that way and two weeks later they were discharging him and sending him home.

My husband went to get his things and meet the ambulance to bring him home, instead that ambulance took him to the hospital, after being in the waiting room they called us back to his room and what we saw shook us to our core, he was a shell of the man we just saw 2 days before. The doctors told us he had a 10mm kidney stone that to large for him to pass and had caused an infection that had turned septic, and he was too weak for surgery; we as a family had to make some tough decisions. We brought him home on hospice 3 days later and 4 days later we lost him.

During all of this, I continued to work for IDLM, but I did not have the time to take on doula clients, I coworker thought I should do graphics for others as a side hustle; now I have been doing graphics for a long time, I have always made my own graphics for this blog, a forum I used to run and such, but up until IDLM I had never thought about my work being good enough for others to use. I toyed with the idea for a bit, talked to my husband about it, and decided to give it a shot, and "Bewitchingly Beautiful Graphics Design" was born.

Just a sampling of my work 

In August just before the funeral, we made the decision to move into my MIL's house to take care of her and sell our house. Between moving, caring for my MIL full time, work, school, and being a doula I was completely overwhelmed, and some things would have to be put on the back burner for a while. The first to go was my dream, no more doula work; if I can't support my clients 100% then I can't do it.

I continued on with my IDLM work( it should be noted that I loved this job, but other than classes I took this job was completely voluntary), which had become more than graphics, and I was keeping up doing my graphics work for other clients, as well as taking care of my MIL (who has made it her life mission to drive me insane), and trying to be a good partner to my husband.

By the end of November, I decided that I could not stay on at IDLM and that has broken my heart, I made a ton of friends a few of whom have become good friends. I explained to my boss that I was just too overwhelmed, that it was killing me watching so many people living my dream on a daily basis, and that I would be stepping down at the end of the year. She said she understood and it felt like we parted on good terms.

It's been a month since I stepped down and it has been weird, I'll admit I miss it, but I know I did what was best for myself and my family. I am continuing to do graphics of all kinds for whomever hires me and our house is almost ready for market, this past year has been a hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride, here is hoping 2024 is much improved (and that my MIL does not succeed in driving me insane)

Sorry for such a long post, but thanks for listening.

Blessings 

Ashley