Crafts From Inside My Broom Closet

 In an effort to distance myself from the stress of my mother-in-law and her constant barrage of "I think you should *insert your choice of things that I don't do her way)" and the ever-present "this is my house and you're going to do things my way", I have been spending a lot of time in the garage crafting. I would like to share one of the projects I have done in the past few weeks.

I made a Chest to use as a portable/travel altar box.

I started with this metal gum box that one of my girls gave me and some brown paper

I ripped the paper into strips

Then I mod-podged the paper to the gum box 

I then painted, distressed, and started decorating it.
Yes I add skulls to almost everything 

This is a look at it from the top fully decorated

I lined the inside top and bottom with this pretty material I had.

I hope you like the finished project, I know I do. I really enjoyed this project and have a few more projects I'll be sharing with you soon.

What do you do to distract yourself from people or things that bring stress and/or chaos into your life?

Would love some new ideas.

Blessings

Ashley 

Know Your Worth... Then Add Tax

This Phrase has been around for quite a while, but what does it mean? Let's dig deep and see.

Growing up the way I did I have always had a hard time knowing my self-worth, and tend to do things "on the house", to not have drama, to keep something or someone. My amazing hubby has taught me how to value myself and my work over the past 22 years; I really thought I was doing good with this until recently when I "did the math" and boy it did not add up.

Doing graphics work is something I have always loved because I love doing anything where I get to tap into my creativity and create something magical. A while back a colleague told me I should start charging for my work, I thought about it and decided since I have had to put my doula work on hold for the foreseeable future I'd give it a shot.  I started doing research to figure out how I should price myself and realized that I had been cheating myself for a while and that had to change.

So I had to make some major changes in how I value myself and my work, in doing this I had to step away from something I love and truly miss every day; unfortunately, or fortunately, after some time away I can see now how much I undervalued myself, and it is a painful lesson learned.

My takeaway from this lesson is people can pile on the praise all day long and that is really great, everyone likes to hear how good they are doing, but praise doesn't keep the lights on.

All that being said, I love what I do, I'm proud of my work, both past and present and I hope to one day not be sad about the choices I made in putting value on myself and my skills.

Never under value yourself...

You are not just enough, you are more than enough, you just have to realize it.

Blessings

Ashley

The Path I'm on is Very Twisted and Ever Changing

 And while walking this path I think I took a wrong turn around March of 2023...

Let me start in the summer of 2022, we are no longer living in constant fear of the dreaded Covid, things have somewhat gone back to normal and I am following a dream that I have had for a while now; going to school to become an End of Life Doula or Death Doula.

I found an amazing school "International Doula Life Movement" and much to my surprise I was awarded a scholarship for the EOLD Course, which was everything I had been looking for and more.

While doing my classes I had the opportunity to become the founder of the school's virtual assistant and graphics designer, which allowed me to choose my own hours and take an extra class here and there; I was on top of the world.

I graduated and began working as an EOLD in December of 2022, I was living the dream, I was taking on clients, and networking, I was even a guest speaker a few times, my life felt like it was heading in the right direction.

Then on March 13, 2023, my life to quote Will Smith "got flipped, turned upside down" My mother-in-law fell and fractured her back and ended up in a brace for what we were told would be six weeks; I moved in with her and my father-in-law for the duration, I continued doing my assistant/graphics work via my mother-in-law's computer and my trusty jump drive; I also managed to complete my second doula course and became a Pediatric End of Life Doula (something very close to my heart).

Well, six weeks turned into twelve and then sixteen, and as I have stated in a previous post taking care of my mother-in-law is trying during the best of times. That's not to say it was all bad, I so enjoyed getting to know my father-in-law (a marine & Korean war veteran whose life was slowly being stolen by Parkinson's) on a whole new level, it was also amazing to see how much my in-laws loved each other. Taking care of them was an honor, but I was missing my home, husband, my own space, etc. Finally the final doctor's appointment for my MIL to get her brace off was fast approaching, I was so excited to get back to my "normal" life and routine, but that was not to be.

On June 22, 2023, we had to call an ambulance to take my FIL to the hospital his blood pressure had dropped seriously low. he spent nine days in the hospital, He had a bladder that was not emptying, and his iron was so low he had to endure 3 iron infusions. All of this had left him very weak so after he was able to be discharged from the hospital he went straight to rehab to help gain his strength back and as much mobility as possible, his stay there was scheduled for thirty days.

After all that, my husband and I had done during Covid to ensure that neither of my in-laws caught it and two weeks in rehab and they both caught it, my FIL had a mild case, but never the less it set back his rehab, however, the rehab place did not see it that way and two weeks later they were discharging him and sending him home.

My husband went to get his things and meet the ambulance to bring him home, instead that ambulance took him to the hospital, after being in the waiting room they called us back to his room and what we saw shook us to our core, he was a shell of the man we just saw 2 days before. The doctors told us he had a 10mm kidney stone that to large for him to pass and had caused an infection that had turned septic, and he was too weak for surgery; we as a family had to make some tough decisions. We brought him home on hospice 3 days later and 4 days later we lost him.

During all of this, I continued to work for IDLM, but I did not have the time to take on doula clients, I coworker thought I should do graphics for others as a side hustle; now I have been doing graphics for a long time, I have always made my own graphics for this blog, a forum I used to run and such, but up until IDLM I had never thought about my work being good enough for others to use. I toyed with the idea for a bit, talked to my husband about it, and decided to give it a shot, and "Bewitchingly Beautiful Graphics Design" was born.

Just a sampling of my work 

In August just before the funeral, we made the decision to move into my MIL's house to take care of her and sell our house. Between moving, caring for my MIL full time, work, school, and being a doula I was completely overwhelmed, and some things would have to be put on the back burner for a while. The first to go was my dream, no more doula work; if I can't support my clients 100% then I can't do it.

I continued on with my IDLM work( it should be noted that I loved this job, but other than classes I took this job was completely voluntary), which had become more than graphics, and I was keeping up doing my graphics work for other clients, as well as taking care of my MIL (who has made it her life mission to drive me insane), and trying to be a good partner to my husband.

By the end of November, I decided that I could not stay on at IDLM and that has broken my heart, I made a ton of friends a few of whom have become good friends. I explained to my boss that I was just too overwhelmed, that it was killing me watching so many people living my dream on a daily basis, and that I would be stepping down at the end of the year. She said she understood and it felt like we parted on good terms.

It's been a month since I stepped down and it has been weird, I'll admit I miss it, but I know I did what was best for myself and my family. I am continuing to do graphics of all kinds for whomever hires me and our house is almost ready for market, this past year has been a hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride, here is hoping 2024 is much improved (and that my MIL does not succeed in driving me insane)

Sorry for such a long post, but thanks for listening.

Blessings 

Ashley 

Something "Crafty" to Sooth My Wicked Soul...

 If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know that when it comes to my witchy tools, I very much like to craft my own as much as possible. 

Unfortunately, I have been shoved to the back of the broom closet because of my uber-Catholic mother-in-law, so any tools I make, use, etc. have to be inconspicuous. At the moment, I need a way to burn candles my way without too much fuss.

I got to work trying to figure out exactly what I wanted, and how it should look. I wanted it to be witchy without being witchy if you know what I mean.

I gathered and painted all the parts and then started putting them together and making my vision come to life.

I used the following,

2 scrap pieces of wood from my husband's project in the background, that looked like little books.

1 wood flat from Dollar Tree

6 wood squares also from Dollar Tree

various paints, stickers, hot glue, and E6000 adhesive  

1 2 glass bowls from Dollar Tree (I'll explain below)

when I finished I had come up with this 

I absolutely love how it turned out, but deep down I guess part of me didn't like all the components, because right after I snapped this picture I picked it up to move it and slung it across the room (still don't know why it happened) strangely the only thing that broke was the bowl.

  

So I grabbed the second bowl and started to paint it and something stopped me and told me to leave it clear. so I did. I heated up the glue on the board, removed it, and then attached the new bowl, and the hearts on the front; it was perfect, the way it should have been to begin with I suppose.

 After the glues had set I cleansed it and added sand from my outside cauldron (which I have used without changing it in almost 20 years) and some pink Himalayan salt, then I said a blessing for it's use.

 Tonight I used it for the first time and I must say it made my witchy heart very happy, I might have even cackled. (ok so I cackled because my mother-in-law thinks it so cute, she hasn't a clue)

 Projects like this always soothe my soul and calm my brain a little. Hopefully, this has inspired you to get crafty and make some of your tools too, if you do I would love to see them. 

Blessings

Ashley

I Just Wanted a Cheeseburger.....

 After a long day of packing, then moving boxes into storage and my daughter's apartment all I wanted was to go home (my mother-in-law) cook, and eat some cheeseburgers; the cooking and eating did happen, but not without drama yet again.

Let me explain, I was in the kitchen grilling burgers on my smokeless grill and slicing tomatoes, in walks my mother-in-law wanted to know why I was slicing tomatoes on the cutting board, my response was "Because it's a cutting board"  Then she tells me she has a smaller one in a bottom cabinet I should have used. I just went about finishing the tomato and then cleaned and dried the cutting board. Dinner finished we sat down to a yummy dinner of cheeseburgers and a side of pork rinds.

Dinner is over and it's time to clean up the kitchen, I ask my husband to go dump the grease from the grill, well hell that started World War Three, or ten or a million at this point.

First, she wants us to pour the grease and water mixture into a glass jar and then throw that away, then she starts in on the grill itself. "how are you going to clean the grill?" "I think you should wipe it down before washing it," I told her "After it cleans completely I'll wash it in hot water" Nope not good enough, so I left the kitchen and had planned on not going back in there until she was out of there because I am trying to not argue with her or stress myself out over her craziness.  

My hubby goes to take the grease out (his way) and she starts in on him telling him that he has to do things the way she wants them and that we need to start doing things the way she wants them done in this house. 

Look I'm not stupid I know this is her house and she does things a certain way, but that should not mean that everyone else should have to do everything the way she does, people have their own way of doing things; I don't go telling her how to do things, even when I know a better way.

She has even gone as far as telling me when I'm not doing something in the kitchen her way "I don't care what your mom, aunt, or granny taught you in the kitchen, they didn't teach you correctly" Excuse Me! The hell you say. 

I'm tired and don't know how much more of this craziness I can take, but I do know one thing...

Next time I want a cheeseburger I'll get one from a restaurant.

This has got to get better, it has to right?

Ashley

Comfort Food, Cold Weather, & an Explanation

 So let's start with a long time no see; I know it has been quite a while since my last blog post, let me explain.

In April 2020 I made a post about getting back to blogging and how I missed it, I told all of you about my health issues (definitely more on that coming), and we had just started the long nightmare that is COVID.

Since then my life has really changed, my baby witchlett graduated and flew the coop, she moved three and a half hours away and she is about to make another move to be with the young man she loves and I couldn't be happier for her.

My oldest 2 witchletts have also flown the coop, but luckily they still live in the same city as we do, it's exciting to see the three of them spread their wings and fly.

The hubby and I never got the chance to be "empty nesters" due to COVID and the fact that his dad has Parkinson's, we made the decision to put his parents on house arrest, and we did all their shopping and such so they could stay safe in their bubble, then we took the bold step and deciding to build on to my in-laws house and us move in with them full time to care for both of them.

On March 13th Before any of that could happen my mother-in-law had a bad fall that ended with her having five staples in the back of her head and a fracture to her mid spine; that one small fracture changed all of our lives forever.

I went back to school in 2022 to become an End of Life Doula or Death Doula, I not only graduated with flying colors, I was passionate about my work, I also landed a job as a virtual assistant/graphics designer, life was great and I was high on life, everything was perfect, then my mother-in-law had her fall and BAM throat punch.

Due to her fall, she had to wear a hard brace for what we were told would be six weeks, during that time I moved in to take care of her, and my father-in-law; I was like 6 weeks no sweat I can do that, six weeks turned to twelve, turned into 4 months, I was in Hell.

During the best of times, my mother-in-law is not an easy person to deal with, I love her but man is she a handful, my father-in-law was an amazing man. Yes, I said he was the exact day my mil got her brace off he was admitted to the hospital for low blood pressure and bladder problems; after the hospital was rehab after rehab was back to the hospital, then hospice, and in August he was gone; and we were all devastated.

We immediately decided to sell our home of 30+ years and move in with my mil full-time, it is now January 2024 and we still haven't been able to completely move all of our stuff, sell our house, or barely take time to breathe, and the cause of this slow move... you guessed it, my mother-in-law. 

I'm going to be blogging regularly to have an outlet for my stress, but don't worry it won't be all drama, I promise lots of fun posts as well, hopefully, no one will get bored lol. 

Now for the comfort food...

It is finally getting cold down here on the Gulf Coast, to help is stay warm I made a delicious pot of chicken and dumplings, the recipe that I use is from The Magnolia Table cookbook by Joanna Gaines, it's super easy and the flavor is to die for; see pic below.

I'll be posting soon, I have so much more to tell you about, I forgot how much a loved this.

Blessings 

Ashley

Rediscovering Me

I know it's been a while since I have posted anything, just over a year, and oh, what a year it has been...

So, from a few post back you know I started my year finding out I have a benign tumor (Lucy) on my adrenal gland. After all the fun from Lucy was said and done, I was diagnosed with Microcytic anemia (basically my blood cells are tiny and have a hard time keeping iron in my body), so I had to have two rounds of iron infusions.

Getting my first infusion and taking a Crystal Healing class at the same time.

After I finished all of that, I thought things were getting back to normal; I finished my second Certified Crystal Healing course, my oldest started her senior year of college and my youngest her Sr year of high school; everything was going smoothly. The...BAM! The rug got pulled out from under me.

I went to my orthopedic doctor in Mid-October because of some sciatic pain,; two doctors later, I found out that my spine was literally twisted (see pics below). On November 14th, I had major back surgery. It took two rods & six screws to straighten me out (well mostly LOL).

Before Surgery

After Surgery

 I am now five months post surgery and doing pretty good; I'm not quite 100% but better than I was.

Recently I have been helping a lady create a blog and doing some graphics work for her; in doing so I got a little home sick for my own blog and I decided I needed to blog, and I mean deep in my soul I needed to write a new post.

We have a lot going on in the world right now with the Covid-19 virus, and people being quarantined and off work all need an outlet. This blog has always been mine, and I am so happy to be back to it.

Blessings,

Ashley

And That's what I did...

Self Care is Not Selfish

You should never feel guilty for taking care of you first and others second; after all if you don't take care of you, how will you be able to take care of others.

Here is a quick and easy list of things you can do for you and remeber...

Self care is not selfish, it's necessary!!! 

Take a long hot bubble bath.(add your favorite oils and crystals for added stress relief and self love)

Bake your favorite dessert(dark chocolate brownies), and then eat them!

Do your Nails.. Paint them up real pretty.

Buy yourself some fresh flowers.

Get a massage.

Rid yourself of toxic people(online and off).

Go for a walk in the woods, Momma Nature is a great relaxant.

Take a nap, no really sleep; your feel so much better.

Dance like a crazy person.

Do your favorite thing; write, read a book, draw, do a craft, what ever you love just do it!!!

Netflix & Chill - Binge watch your favorite series.

What ever way you decide to take care of yourself, remember to enjoy.

Blessings

Ashley (Ash-Lynn)

Going Back to School...For My Health

The past few weeks my life has been turned upside down and inside out, but it getting back on track in a big way.

I'll Start at the Beginning...

A few weeks ago I was having a lot of pain in my right side, but not where pain from the appendix is; so my husband took me to the urgent care center. They did ex-rays, blood work and found nothing, they told me to follow up with my primary doctor; so I did.

I went to my doctor on Tuesday the 8th saw the doctor, he ordered a lot of blood test and a CT scan, and told me to come back on Monday; instead his nurse called me on Thursday and told me I was scheduled to have an MRI on Monday morning because they found a nodule on my adrenal gland and needed to get a better look at it(my first thought "I have cancer and I'm going to die", this train of thought continued all weekend.

So on Monday the 14th I go have my MRI and follow up with my doctor, I'm told I have a benign tumor of the adrenal gland, and I would need to see yet another doctor, an endocrinologist; that appointment was this past Friday. My new doctor (who is great BTW) had many tubes of blood drawn and collected 24hrs of urine to test, these test are to see if my tumor whom my girls have lovingly named Lucy (short for Lucifer, they love Supernatural) is producing hormones that I don't need in my body.

An image of Luci (not my tumor Luci, but you get it 😜)

So while I am waiting on yet another set of test results to come back I got so exciting news... 

I get to go back to school... Crystal Healing School!!!

Love and Light School of Crystal Therapy, where I have gotten all my certifications from, is completely revamping their Certified Crystal Healer course with brand new content and techniques; and the awesome part about this is anyone who is a current student or alumni get the new classes for free.   

Let me explain, when you enroll and pay for any of Love and Lights courses you get lifetime access to all course content including and new content for said course. So while I'm getting my heath back on track, I will be expanding my mind and Crystal Healing knowledge.

Classes start on March 1st and will last 11 weeks, after that Love and Light will be offering a new course for Advanced Crystal Healing, I'm hoping to be able to take it also, if not this year then next year; all depends on money.

I hope all of you are doing well 

Blessings

Ashley(Ash-Lynn)

Taking Care of My "Self"

2019 The Year of Self...

I have been trying to figure out what my word for 2019 will be and I have gone through several but none of them felt right, so I decided to meditate on it and the word that kept coming to me is Self.

To Thy Own Self Be True!!!

I want to take 2019 and concentrate on all things "Self " self-love, self-esteem, self-respect, self-care, self-healing, self-confidence; OK, you get the picture. The past 2 years have been so emotional and draining both mentally and physically that I need to take care of me and get back to being me, in all my sassy, witchy, bitchy ways.

I suppose my first "self" I should address is self-care/self-healing, for the past few weeks I have been dealing with a growth in my right side that we, my girls, hubby, and I have named Lucy(short for Lucifer) I have had a few test run and they have all come back good so next up is most likely a ct scan and or an ultrasound to find out what "Lucy" is and what needs to be done to get rid of him.

While I am out of commission dealing with "Lucy" I will work on my other "Selfs" as well.

Do you have a word for 2019? How do you care for you "Self"? 

Happy New Year!!!

As we say goodbye to 2018 & Hello to 2019, I think we can all agree that our New Year needs to be better than the last one.

This year is marked by loss, we have all lost family, friends, pets, and more this year; so I am sending it out into the Universe, Goddess, God that 2019 be filled with prosperity, good health, and love.

I personally do not set resolutions at the New Year, I set goals (attainable goals) that I will do my best to meet by the end of the year; here are a few of my goals for 2019.

2019 Goals  

Lose 20lbs(I have already lost 26lbs)

Blog on a more regular basis

Have less Stress & Drama in my life

Get back in touch with my crystal loving spiritual side

Be a much less angry person

OK these are just a few of my goals, do you have any goals for this year?

I hope all of you have a very amazing 2019

Blessings

Ashley(Ash-Lynn)

Sorry, Not Sorry

I don't know about you guys, but i have been saying sorry way to much lately and I'm done.

I'm done with saying I'm sorry, when others are at fault, step up and take responsibility for what you do and say. Don't call me names and put me down, then cover your drunk, pill popping ass by telling the world how I did you wrong; then want me to say sorry. 

Don't call me and cry on my shoulder and pull the "but we are family card" and get me to say oh it's ok. 

I know the statements above may sound harsh, but after 45 years of my family telling me "you have to be friends, she needs you, cousins are supposed to be best friends and quilting me into doing what they say I should again and again; I just can't anymore. 

I am tired both mentally and physically, you can only pick a person up off the ground so many times, before you walk away and leave them laying there.  

I can't answer the phone at 3am only to here slurring of words and you wanting me to tell you it's ok you're not a bad person; I'm done being your enabler. 

I'm done with having the same conversation over and over because you either can't remember or hope I'll change my mind. 

I'm done being told I thought you loved me enough to do this or that. Love has nothing to do with it. 

I'm done being made the bad guy because I won't cave to your wishes. 

I'm done with the stress, depression, and self loathing this relationship and family has gifted me with my whole life. 

I am done living a life that keeps me so stressed that I spend days in bed with migraines, from today forward I live my life my way, on my own terms and no one else's; today I hand all of this mess over to the universe/Goddess/God, it's not my headache anymore.

Demi Lovato sums up my feelings with "Sorry, I'm Not Sorry"

Thanks for listening for another rant

Love you guys

Ashley 

Saddened on Samhain

As many have said it is with a very heavy heart that we have to say goodbye to our wonderfully sassy friend and Sister Witch Delores Chapman aka TipToeChick.

Dee was killed in a car wreck Sunday evening, (here is an article on the wreck - News Story). leaving behind 3 beautiful children, a loving family and a devastated pagan/witchy community.

For many, Dee's youtube videos was an introduction in to the wonderful community that we have. Some of us can even remember what video was our first TipToeChick video(mine was "How to Make a Tincture!!!") and of course nobody will ever forget her iconic opening words "Hey Tubies".

My favorite memories of Dee will always be hours and hours of late night stikam chats, those were amazing and it how I and a lot of us got to know Dee and each other.

I know as sad as we all are her family is going through hell right now and we need to keep them in our thoughts and prayers.

On this most sacred of days in our community we need to remember Dee, light a candle for her, talk to her, and send loving, healing energies to her family.

Dee you helped me in so many ways and I will always be grateful, damn I'm gonna miss you chick. I'll never forget you Dee.

Ashley(Ash-Lynn on stickam)

Love Yourself, Scars and All...

We all have scars, big and small, physical and mental; the world tells us that scars are ugly and should be covered, hidden away, or not spoken of; but today, we are attempting to put an end to that by exposing our scars and loving them, for they are beautiful and make us who we are.

As my contribution to Beautiful Freaks Fest 2: Scars, Scars, Scars… Such Terrible Beauty! I have created a crystal grid to helps us all embrace our scars and to give ourselves infinite self love.

I have used an amethyst heart in the center, Sodalite, Rose Quartz, and clear Quartz points for the infinite self love loop.

Feel free to print and use this grid in your meditations, I suggest holding a Rose Quartz while meditating and also carrying one with/on you to help you love yourself and your scars.

If you would like you name added to this grid, just drop me a line in the comment section.

Crystal Blessings

Ashley

Posted as part of Beautiful Freaks Fest 2: Blog Party

Scars Make Us Who We Are...

Scars no matter the size, physical or mental; tell a story.

This year we have been encouraged to give our scars life and tell some story's of our own. Tune in on October 26th-28th and read my scars and read the scars of many others as we participate in ...

 This amazing event brought this song to mind.

I look forward to reading everyones scars and writing my own.

Blessing

Ashley

Meditating at 55 Miles Per Hour

When I first started out on my path to discover the practice of meditation, I had this grand vision of sitting in solitude on a nice comfy cushion; legs crossed, my hands resting on my knees, and me chanting Om over and over as I breath in my nose and out my mouth. However I just could not do this, I could not just sit there and breath and wait for some grand vision to come to me; my mind just does not like to sit and be quite and so I began my journey to find a way to meditate that would work for me.

I found my perfect meditation on the back of my husbands motorcycle at 55 miles per hour, and it's was wonderful. No really that's my zone out, ground myself, and listen to the universe spot. I have also learned to do the whole crossed leg thing too, but instead of quieting my mind I listen to what it is telling me, I take note of what messages I'm getting and what they mean to me and how to go forward with them. I'm still not an expert but I now know what works for me.

I want to share a few basics of meditation with you and what meditation can do for you.

 What is Meditation?

Meditation can be defined as a practice where an individual uses a technique, such as focusing their mind on a particular object, thought or activity, to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm state. - Webster's Dictionary 

Meditation to me is time I set aside to calm my mind and listen to the universe and my guides, it's a time to ground and center myself before starting the days task. 

What are the Benefits of Meditation? 

• Reduces Stress 
• Relaxes the Mind & Body 
• Lowers Blood Pressure 
• Helps with Anxiety 
• Gives an overall feeling of well being. 
• Helps you gain better focus 

Where to Start 

Start by doing the basic meditation we have all heard about, find a quite place(this can be inside or outside), and just sit and listen to what ever come into your mind, do this for 5 - 10 min(set a timer if you need to) always remember to breath in your nose and out your mouth.

Take note of what messages come to you and how you feel after you meditate; do you feel relaxed, less anxious, etc. If the basic technique does not work for you, do some research and find what type of meditation works for you.

 Do you Meditate? What works for you?

Conflicted...

Caution!!! Possible Triggering May Occur 

On Thursday the 25th I lost my stepdad and ever since then I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, it has more loops than I have ever seen.

Lets go back, my Mom married my stepdad when I was 5 years old, and up until I was 15 I had the most amazing dad in then world, and then in one night my whole world changed; that was the first night he ever climbed in my bed, this and worse behavior continued until I was 18 and moved out of my parents home, it continued even when the adults in my life knew what was going on and did nothing.

My Mom stayed married to this man until she passed away a year and a half ago, and I was conditioned to play "happy family". I may have been conditioned but I wasn't stupid; I never let my daughters stay the night over there or spend time alone with him, I also made sure that my husband knew what was what.

Four years ago, my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer, and because of this lost his leg, I felt bad for him because no one should ever go through that, but a voice inside me said it's his Karma paying him back.

Now flash forward to the past week and why I am feeling so conflicted about my emotions, to me the man I called daddy died when I was 15 and I truly morn that man, but now I'm having to listen to his family talk about what a great person he was, how much he loved and took care of his family, how they know he's in heaven; and I want to scream at the top of my lungs "this was not a good man, this was an evil man, he took away my innocence and my trust" but I don't I just keep quite and let them keep piling on all the work for making his arrangements; it's like I'm frozen in fear all over again.

writing is one of the things I'm supposed to do to help me work through this, so I may be writing more posts about my issues, just a heads up for those who might get triggered.

Thanks for listening

Blessings

Ashley 

Down but not out...

For months my body and I have been at war, we have been going back and forth; I have won several battles and now I am on the verge of winning another one. Let me explain.

For those who don't follow me on FB I have been having issues with my right arm for about 7 months, the first issue the doctors found was an uncommon issue called Radial Tunnel Syndrome, I had surgery on that back in August and Things were going good, I was healing really good and my arm was working like it should...



<<< My arm all wrapped up
Right after surgery.


My arm after the bandage came off >>>






Nope I was wrong my arm working right only lasted about 2 1/2 weeks, and this time the pain was more in my upper arm/Shoulder; I was like "What The Hell" I had just gotten my arm back. So I go back to the doctor and he checks me out and says I may have a rotator cuff injury ad sent me for an MRI. The MRI was an ordeal all on it's own, my claustrophobia got the best of me and we had to reschedule for the following week and I had to take happy pills to get through it.

Well yesterday I got my results back and I am happy to report that there is nothing wrong with my rotator cuff and my tendons all look good, and I'm happy to report that we now now what's wrong with my shoulder; they found 2 different areas in the shoulder that has developed arthritis, I am not happy about this but I am relieved to know what's going on with my arm/shoulder.

I meet with my doctor next week to discuss my options and see what my next steps are. I hope to be back to regular posting very, very soon, I miss my blogging friends.

Many Blessing to you all

Ashley